Even in exceptionally hard circumstances, you can find balance and joy in your life. For the months that I was repeatedly raped by my then-boyfriend, it obviously wasn’t a walk in the park and I went through severe depression and social anxiety. But I still had supportive friends who listened to me and cared for me. I was still alive. He could have just outright killed me. I was still able to go to school each day, attend classes, and talk to friends. Every birthday marks the anniversary of my trauma because it began on my 19th birthday. Every birthday, I take a moment to reflect the fact that I am alive and I am stronger because of what happened to me and I find balance in the fact that I currently have a loving, supportive partner now and loving friends and family.

Even though what happened to me was terrible, I became stronger, left that abusive boyfriend, and now have found someone who wholeheartedly loves me and cares for me. What happened to me in the past was excruciating, but it opened the path for my life to be filled with joy and be filled with moments that balance out the bad. The only reason I am able to talk so freely about my trauma now is because I have come to terms with it and I am grateful for what I currently have and how I grew from it. It took me years to get to this point. For the first 2-3 years, I don’t think I ever even acknowledged the fact that I was raped. I blamed myself for a lot of that time afterwards. It actually wasn’t until I started listening to the podcast “My Favorite Murder” 2-3 years ago (~4 years after the trauma) that I found the courage to speak up and change my perspective from Victim to Survivor. (I would totally recommend the podcast – it was literally lifechanging for me.) It has taken me a long time to get to this point and it wasn’t easy. I lived in the dark parts of my mind for a long time. But now, my life is finally balancing out.

I find balance and joy everyday of my life because I am alive. Being able to see my partner everyday brings me joy. Being able to cuddle up with the cats after a long day at work brings me balance after the day at work. I am undoubtedly blessed in my current life and I am grateful each day for the things that I have and the moments I experience.

Gratitude is your everyday reminder that everything is okay. Things can always be worse. Rather than hoping for something better in your life each day, take a moment to evaluate how your life is currently and what currently brings you joy and balances your life. Something as small as your dog or cat cuddling with you, or having that morning coffee each day. These small things bring joy and can balance out any bad that you had in the day.

We are only unhappy with the things that we cannot have. So instead, do the opposite. Be happy for the things you do have. If you keep wishing for your life to get better, you’ll always be unhappy. Instead, take grace in the things you currently have and use that strength to work towards better things one small step at a time. Wishing I was in Paris everyday isn’t going to magically place me there. I need to be grateful that I have a job and that I have the opportunity to save some extra money on the side to save up for a trip. Currently, I’m dissatisfied with my current income because I know I could make more – because I did make more money at one point. It’s one of the downsides of switching careers – you start all over again at point zero. But on the other hand, I find joy and balance in the fact that I even have a job. I know that if I work hard, I will eventually get to where I want to be. So instead of wishing everyday that I make six figures, I take it day by day and breathe in the gratitude of having a secure job and the opportunity to come to work each day while simultaneously working towards a higher income because I do show up each day and work hard and prove my worth. The time you sit there and wish for something better is the time you could be using to enjoy your life and do something better for yourself.

I believe gratitude helps us be happier each day by appreciating what we have. It also allows up to be kinder and more loving to those around us as well. If you’re always in a bad funk, you’re going to act that way. If instead you take just a couple minutes out of your day to appreciate what you have and culture a positive headspace, you’ll undoubtedly be kinder to yourself and those around you.

You can’t always change your circumstances but you can change how you think and act in response to your circumstances. Use those abilities to be kind to yourself and find balance and joy in your life.