I have a love-hate relationship with social media. Okay, mostly hate. On one hand, it’s great for publicity and keeping up to date with friends. On the other hand, it’s disastrous to my self-confidence and happiness by seeing what everyone else is up to, seeing what my partner is looking at, and comparing myself to others.

So instead of falling into that same pattern, my feed on my blog Instagram account (@fiveonestories) is all filled with photography and dogs. Instead of letting social media detriment my mental health, I just go on my blog account and scroll through the beautiful pictures of night skies, beaches, interior design, and cute dogs. Sometimes I do switch back to my other accounts to see what people are up to, but I spend a majority of my social media time on my blog account. I’ve recognized when I’m endlessly scrolling and switch to my blog account to stop that habit. It’s way easier to stop endless scrolling when there is less of an emotional connection to the content. I basically just use it to refresh my eyes and mind and just enjoy looking at beautiful things. After all, that’s what photos are meant for. I spend a lot less time on social media nowadays, decreasing my time from at least two hours throughout the day to just twenty minutes or less at one time, and usually I only go on to check for messages and to post my blog.

Muting stories has helped tremendously with decreasing my time on social media. I still follow the accounts and I can always pop in to see what’s going on with them. Spending more time on my blog account, away from all the personal connections is so refreshing. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything and I’m no longer as curious as to what everyone’s been up to. Life’s too short to be worrying about what other people are doing. I don’t feel disconnected, I’m really not missing out on anything. The friends that I am close with also try to stay off social media because they understand the negative effect of it and we mainly communicate through direct messaging.

What’s the point of keeping in touch over emoji replies to a story or one word conversations anyways? It’s all a waste of time. Sure you can show your support for them, but that’s all it is. You’re not truly connecting with them or deepening the friendship. It’s all just small talk – which I hate. What’s the end goal of keeping in touch over the years but not knowing anything about each other? The only significance that carries is if you’re attracted to that person you’re keeping in touch with in hopes they notice you. I would know, I’ve done that. I would usually only reply to stories of people I liked and hoped to make conversations with. But did it ever work? NOPE. And I noticed people would do the same for me. The only people that would reply to my stories are people that were genuinely friends with me and showed support, and people that were interested in me. Friendships over emoji social media replies are baseless. What happens when that social media platform dies off? You probably won’t still keep in touch. Social media has been an excuse to “keep in touch” with hundreds of friends that you don’t really care to talk to or share with. It’s just a popularity tool. And what does that matter in life? Absolutely nothing. How many of those hundreds of followers/people you follow would you invite to your wedding? Or to a baby shower? How many would you consider friends? To go on a vacation with? Ask to drive to the airport? How many are friends you can confide to? Chances are the answers to all of those questions are not all of the 345 people you “keep in touch with” over social media.

Use social media for what it is meant for: expanding your creativity, creating a platform for yourself, finding inspiration, posting beautiful pictures, or networking. Facebook was never meant as a tool to keep tabs on everyone and wonder, “Why didn’t she like my profile picture?! I thought we were friends!” It was meant for networking, creating communities, sharing interests, and now even dating? Instagram was meant to share photos, share your story, inspire yourself and others, and express your creativity. It was never meant as a ruler to compare yourself to, to cause doubt in your head by wondering, “Why did he like her picture and not mine,” or “Why is he looking at models when he’s with me?” I have actually had these stupid thoughts and it’s only because of social media decreasing my self-esteem and confidence! The less time I spend on social media, the happier I feel. I can honestly say I was making myself miserable by caring so much about social media. It was the core of my insecurities, trust issues, and a lot of hurt feelings.

Some creatives and entrepreneurs rely on social media for their income and livelihood and there’s nothing wrong with that! They are still using the platform to express themselves, their art, their story, and they are inspiring others by creating a following. It’s incredibly hard work to build a following and continuously post genuine content like clockwork. Support the accounts that inspire you and you enjoy viewing. Stop wasting time on the accounts that just make you feel bad.

The secret to being happy is to strengthen the relationships you do have, fill your feed with less crap, and mind your business. You don’t need to know what everyone’s up to. You don’t need to worry about anyone but yourself. You don’t need to waste time sending one word replies or emojis to every story. It’s such a waste of your energy to worry about people you aren’t even close with, especially when you get all butthurt when the other person doesn’t care or respond to your emoji. And if you are close with them, you wouldn’t be wasting your energy because you could just ask them what’s new and have a genuine conversation.

It is not that big a deal. Chances are, if you stopped replying, the only thing that person will miss is the attention. Save your energy and attention for what really matters: yourself, your own life, your own loved ones.