Inability to express compassion or empathy. Inability to understand my emotions and express his own. Inability to process his own feelings and effect of his actions on me.

What are the traits of sociopathy?

The list of common traits you might see in someone who has antisocial personality disorder, says Dr. Coulter, include:

Not understanding the difference between right and wrong.

Not respecting the feelings and emotions of others.

Constant lying or deception.

Being callous.

Difficulty recognizing emotion.

Manipulation.

Arrogance.

Violating the rights of others through dishonest actions.

Impulsiveness.

Risk-taking.

Difficulty appreciating the negative aspects of their behavior

Cleveland Clinic

HE HAD ALL OF THESE TRAITS. NO WONDER IT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO BE WITH HIM.

It’s not the fact that other people are more open-minded or he was so stubborn, arrogant and close-minded, it’s the fact he cannot have an open mind or even think about the possibilities. He never understood why his actions would hurt me, or he lied and said he did, and would just do it again because of a technicality. “You said it was just models.” No, IT’S THE NATURE OF THE ACTION.

Whenever I would ask him how he felt if I did the same thing to him, he’d respond, “I wouldn’t care.” Then hours later, “You’re right, I understand, I would feel hurt.” But now, was he just saying that? Believing that’s how he should feel rather than actual feeling that way? He always seemed to say whatever I wanted to hear to make me happy, but it never truly felt he meant anything comforting he said. Another reason why it was so difficult to get comfort and assurance from him.

Risk-tasking: driving to LA after being awake for 30+ hours, staying out until 2 AM, continuing to go out after being rear-ended. DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE WITH ME IN THE CAR, INSISTING HE WAS FINE.

Not respecting my feelings, not understanding right from wrong. I would have to spell out and explain so many things to him. I would spend hours, crying, trying to explain why I was hurt and he just would not understand, leading to frustration.

Jesus f christ. IT MAKES SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE. UGH.

I spent way too much time and effort trying my absolute best because I wanted this hopeless romantic story to be real. It would have saved so much time to realize this sooner and realize that no amount of effort would help this relationship. However, I’m still grateful for realizing it today. It provided the closure I needed.

Thank you to my favorite women on the Earth at My Favorite Murder (podcast) for pointing out sociopathic traits and helping me realize the reality!