It’s weird to feel genuinely worried without having anxiety accompanying it. It’s a feeling that can decrease with distraction, unlike anxiety. This is the first time I’m realizing how dangerous his job is, feeling how real it is that he can die any day. We’ve only known each other for three weeks. It’s part of being human to want others to be alive and well. But there’s a feeling within me that I’d be losing a whole future of possibilities and happiness if he were gone. I want him more than just alive and well… I want him with me.

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