I realized a lot of my insecurities in one of my past relationships was based on trust, rather than me feeling insecure about myself. The lack of trust in his words and intentions because he had lied to me before about something minuscule. If he could lie to me about that, what else could he lie to me about? From that point on, I never trusted him. Would that change going forward? My hyper vigilance in relation to my trauma and my anxiety makes it difficult for me to brush off odd gestures as nothing more than friendly interactions. Things that don’t make sense to me and aren’t given a good enough explanation make me suspicious.

I had a dream that my ex and I were together again, and we were going back to his car after a night out. He spotted his coworker walking ahead of us with two other women with her. It was my first time seeing her and she was pretty. He called her and said, “I’m behind you, don’t turn around.” I was very confused. “Why would you do that?” I asked him. “I’m just messing around,” he responded. An argument ensued based on this interaction because I kept thinking he liked her.

To me, this odd gesture meant he was interested in her and liked her. My dream was filled with the insecure feelings I had in our past relationship all over again. It’s not fun. Will I ever move past this? I know that he is actually planning to go a music festival with said coworker and another female coworker, and I know my dream was based on that. But why is it that I’m feeling insecure, possessive, and jealous all over again? We’re not together anymore. Trust is hard to rebuilt once broken. Will I ever trust anything he says to me ever again?