This past weekend, and now this weekend, has morphed from having a jam-packed social schedule to doing absolutely nothing, including chores. As much as I would love to take advantage of my time off from work, I am simply exhausted. I have no will nor energy to do housework. Hardly enough will to continue looking for gig-work or have content for my blog. But, this is life, right? We’re not supposed to know exactly what to do or how to live. We learn what to do by trial and error and experiences.

Money is tight, and I can’t afford to do much socially right now anyways, but then what’s my excuse for not doing housework? Or the fact that I didn’t shower for three days? I showered and washed my hair today, and I already feel like that’s a big deal. It’s difficult. The current economy, political environment, even the weather. Everything is quite unfavorable at this time. My only hope is that student loans are 100% forgiven and the economy crashes so I can survive a little easier. Money isn’t supposed to be a huge part of your life, but it rules mine. Perhaps my mood is based on my financial security and independence. Maybe that’s the trick. Can money really buy you happiness? Coming from a life where money was never abundant, to me – yes, money can buy me happiness because I would finally be able to stop worrying about saving money on food, trying to plan ahead and see if I have money to spare after paying rent, and not worrying about gas or even the costs it takes to do laundry in my apartment complex.

Money might not be able to buy true friendships and connections, but it can certainly make my life easier. Plus I already have everything on an interpersonal level because I’ve grown up with no money, so I just need money to complete my life right now. I’m done struggling, please.

I’ve finally been giving the opportunity to do overtime at work, and the ability to do overtime from home, so I will greatly be taking advantage of that. Pet care services on Wag! and Rover are being eaten up so quickly, I can’t even get a chance to get booked – which is a tell-tale sign that others are hurting for money too. I’ve taken up a chat operator job where I get paid $0.06 for each message I send to entertain men on adult websites because I figured it can help me with creative/fictional writing, and money is money. I’ve been doing paid surveys more often on Eureka and Inbox Dollars. And I’m still on the hunt for a better-paying job. I am basically using all of my free time looking for work, which takes a surprising amount of mental energy and motivation. So maybe that’s why I can’t will myself to do housework or self-care. If you’re lucky enough to not have to struggle with this, I am proud of you. Unless you’re born into money, then, you should be donating. If you have built yourself a foundation on your own, congratulations. I aspire to be like you. You are my role model, and I know it’s not easy.

For now, I continue to do what I can and hope this is just a phase that is out of my control and will blow over soon.