As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to love myself more. I’ve learned to value myself and love all the quirks and flaws in my own self. I’ve learned to be more self aware, which is the key to embracing yourself. When you realize what flaws you have, you become cognizant of who you are as a person, rather than being oblivious to the effect you have on the people around you. I’ve learned to embrace who I am, which in turn, has made me more confident in myself and less self-conscious. If I could tell you how I came about this, I wish I could, but the truth is: I don’t know. Of course, this didn’t just happen all of a sudden. I didn’t just wake up one morning and think, “Wow, I truly and completely love myself.” A factor in embracing and loving myself is getting off Instagram. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know how huge of an advocate I am for getting off social media. Instagram cultivated a good amount of my negative thoughts, FOMO, and comparative mindset. I hated myself the most when I was on Instagram. Ever since deleting Instagram, I no longer give myself the opportunity to compare myself and my life to others; my eyes no longer fall on beautiful women with perfect smiles and bodies and lives every single day, and that is a huge change in atmosphere. As much as I am happy for the person and how happy they appear to be on social media, there’s just some subconscious part of my brain that just made a negative environment for my thoughts.

This was also around the same time that I switched antidepressant medications, so that’s probably a huge chunk of why I’m less negative now. Going through the whole 5150 hold, therapy, changing medications, and the time I spent focusing on myself helped me learn who I am, what I value, and who I want to be. It also taught me more about life. I met amazing people while I was hospitalized and it made me realize that as beautiful, strong, smart, wealthy, and/or put-together someone is, a person can fall apart at any given moment. Call of the Void thoughts happen to everyone (I think), and it’s just that 1% chance where you actually believe “What if I actually…” that makes us all the same.

We all struggle. We all have flaws. We are all human. We are not perfect. We are never happy 100% of time or even 80% of the time. We all have our own problems. We all have our own personalities. We all have our own lives. And no two lives are the same. And that’s what makes us unique. Why do you want to fit in? Why do you want the attention of many people? Don’t you just want to be truly loved for who you are?

I used to get upset when I wasn’t invited to an outing or party in college. Now, I really couldn’t care less. If I want to spend quality time with certain people, then I will coordinate it myself. Learning how the world works has helped a lot with this mindset. People are busy. People have their own lives. Even when a person unconditionally loves you like a spouse/partner, it is still hard to mesh two lives into one. By realizing this, I no longer get upset or hurt when someone gets too busy to return a message or simply forgets to respond. Everyone has their own problems, lives, and things they need to do on a daily basis. They need to take care of themselves and their loved ones just as much as I do. Therefore, making plans is difficult, especially when you get older and have more responsibilities such as marriage, pets, a house, maintaining your job, maintaining your vehicle, and/or a family. It actually amazes me when people see each other so often, like how do you both have so much free time at the same time? Even when I do get the opportunity to spend quality time with friends, I am still aware of my own self and my own social limits. I am not outgoing. I am very much an introvert and, this past year, I’ve grown more introverted. Introverted in the sense that I limit my time socializing. When I do finally socialize, I am welcoming and easy to get along with and outgoing in that sense.

Embracing myself has led me to be confident, which in turn allows me to make others comfortable around me and feel safe. I’ve heard many times that I look intimidating because of the way I so confidently carry myself; or that, after a first conversation, they enjoy my company and am very easy to talk to. Most frequently, I receive compliments about being very open, genuine, and comfortable to be around. All of that is based on my internal foundation of embracing myself. I have nothing to hide. I have nothing that I am ashamed of. I love who I am and all of my mistakes that come with being a person trying to figure out life. Yes, I attempted suicide. Yes, I was raped. Yes, I cheated in past relationships. But of all those were learning experiences and things that have made me more mature and understanding in life. These experiences gave me a skill set that lets me be more empathetic to others that have done or are going through the same things. I know what it’s like to be at your worst, and I know what it’s like to try to build yourself back up and pick up the pieces. And as much as I’ve learned from these traumas, I would never wish them on anyone or tell someone, “You don’t understand.” My life would be completely different had I not been raped or attempted suicide, and I can’t say whether or not that life is better or worse because I simply don’t know. Insert some psychology or philosophy theory. I just know that I am proud of who I am today; not because of what I’ve gone through, but because I’ve survived what I’ve gone through. Despite these traumas, I came through the end of the tunnel.

Going through these experiences gave me skills that not a lot of people gain without going through traumatic experiences. Going through my lowest lows has taught me how to rebuild myself in a better way. It has taught me to figure out what’s wrong in my life and correct it. It has taught me to put the pieces back together and move on rather than dwindle on the broken gravel pieces of myself. There is no use in dwelling. Accept, learn, and grow. Embrace yourself and the world around you will also. Don’t mold yourself to fit the world around you. Mold the world around you. This is your life. Be yourself. Do things you love because the only person in your life that matters is you. (But not in the narcissist way.)