It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been pretty uninspired lately. I got sick around the Thanksgiving holiday and simultaneously burned out at work, and am still burnt out. Each day is a struggle to muster the emotional and mental energy to work and get things done, but somehow things still get done even though I am decaying inside.

And I don’t even know what I’d want to be doing instead besides just nothing. I’d at least want to go out during the day and enjoy the sun and enjoy having some time off during the day, but I feel like I’m held hostage at my job with no end in sight. Especially because my boss – the only other person I work with – says I have to give a 6-month commitment and I can’t leave until at least June 2026. I know what she says doesn’t matter, I can quit whenever I want, but the job market is tough right now and I need money. I have been applying to other jobs, which is what sparked the “I need 6 months” comment – because I was so fed up with her during another hour-long phone call and just blurted out that I’m not happy and I’m looking for other jobs.

I don’t want this to be a rant about work because I am so tired of it dominating my thoughts. Working from home/remotely is hard because there is less of a work/life balance. Maybe it’s especially hard because by the time work ends at 5 PM, the sun has set and my desire to go outside diminishes significantly. It is still difficult for me to want to go outside alone at night. I don’t feel particularly safe in my apartment complex or city.

But what I really wanted to say was that I am alive and I’m okay for the most part. Aside from the work-related daily dread and stress. I’m otherwise okay. I started a new relationship (albeit fast, I know, I am working through the emotions of it all still), I turned 30 in November, and I still am able to spend time with friends and family on my weekends (although that may be adding to the exhaustion I’m feeling since I’m an introvert).

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the new year and faring better than I am.