I don’t know whether I’d rather we break up or continue as we are now. I don’t know what’s best for myself. There are a lot of past issues that he doesn’t fully understand, and that’s the biggest problem. He lacks the empathy and compassion to truly understand how hurt I was by his actions. The only way to prevent something from happening again is to fully understand why it was wrong in the first place, not because someone just says not to do it. We’re adults. We are fully capable of understanding someone else’s pain and feelings. We are not kids that don’t do something just because someone tells them not to.

I’ve explained so many times why something he did hurt me and he just doesn’t understand why. So he does it again. And that pattern just keeps repeating because he doesn’t take the time to fully process and therefore understand the concept. I can’t fully place the blame on him, he was never taught how to resolve a conflict. All his past relationships just ignored problems and swept them under the rug until things imploded. I can, however, be frustrated that he’s stubborn and unwilling to be vulnerable, to lower his defenses. He just won’t stop getting defensive and trying to justify his actions. The point isn’t about why you thought it was okay to do something. The point is what you did hurt someone else. He never understood how his actions hurt me, and continues to not understand it to this day. He lacks the empathy and compassion to be able to process someone else’s feelings. He lacks the empathy and compassion to understand someone else’s pain. And therefore he will never understand until he gains empathy and compassion. Until he allows himself to be vulnerable to those emotions and open his mind.

It’s exhausting. It’s hurtful. To pour your heart into a relationship and for your partner to completely turn the tables on you. I’m just so glad I have at least one person that has gone through the same situation recently and can provide the empathy and compassion that he so lacks. I’m grateful for my favorite people. I know I’m not alone. I know a lot of people have gone through this before. But what exactly do you know when you know exactly what the problem is and you can’t do anything about it? Wait? Move on? It feels pathetic to wait, but I’m not ready to give up either. Please just show me the right path.