We were at a house party that gradually turned larger and larger, until the scene reflected a day-time EDC. Multiple stages, artists, thousands of people. We got split up and attempted to communicate via text to locate each other. Raves are notorious for having poor cell reception.

“I’m going to Sky Lounge.” I read and headed in that direction. I waited for thirty minutes, scanning the crowd, desperately trying to find his familiar place.

“Where are you?” I responded.

“Heading there now.” I became upset. He said he was on the way thirty minutes ago.

“What’s taking you so long?”

“I’m still at Marina Bay. I didn’t want to miss this artist.” I rolled my eyes and headed towards the Marina Bay stage. There were several sections of the same stage, each with a different artist. I still couldn’t find him. A song came on that I recognized and began dancing a bit.

“There’s a spot open in the pit if you want to dance there!” A stranger shouted at me and pointed to the empty space. I smiled and walked into the open space. I danced and the joy came back into me. I forgot about everything I had been upset about. Dancing always made me happy.

The song ended and reality came back in. I caught my breath and swung my head around to search the crowd again.

“Where are you now?”

“Sky lounge. Where are you?” I huffed and rolled my eyes, and headed back to Sky Lounge.

The festival was ending. People were clearing out. Sky Lounge was empty. Extremely annoyed, I headed back to the main house party where we originally came from.

I found him, extremely inebriated, laughing and drinking with his one of his close friends.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve been here this whole time?” The friend took the hint and left, giving me his seat. I slid into the chair and stared directly in his eyes. “Why?!” Why did you lie to me about where you were is what I meant. He couldn’t meet my eyes and tried to stiffen up. “I didn’t want you to know where I was.” Blood. Red. Rage. I glared at him, deep into his eyes, stood up, and walked away. I found my oldest sister. “Can I get a ride home with you?”

“Yeah, of course. What happened to him?” I waved my hand, dismissing her question and gave her a “you know what happened” look. Her smile that she had all day fell. “When is he going to stop…” She muttered to herself. I shook my head. “Yeah, we’re just waiting for a few more friends before we head back.”

I’m tired of being reminded of my horrible relationship. The lies, the drinking, the dismissive attitude of my safety. I don’t want these dreams. I don’t want to see his face. I don’t want to live that relationship again.

I’m happy where I am now. I’m happy with who I am. I’m happy to have found someone who truly cares about me.

I don’t want these dreams…