I’ve been learning to set my boundaries and learn the limits of my own mental health since my 5150 hold last year. One of my newfound boundaries is learning how long I can handle socialization. I’ve learned that my general socialization period before I get drained is 3 continuous hours. After 3 hours, I begin to get irritated, anxious, detached, and look for ways out. Especially when I’m being held somewhere against my free will. I’d much rather be at home, either working, reading, or playing games, than a majority of alternative options that involve me getting dressed and going outside. Heck, even doing laundry comes second to staying indoors since I have to do laundry outside of my apartment.

But, actually, one thing I’ve been noticing is that being adamant about my boundaries inspires others. My ability to stand up for myself and my known limits, and not giving in to peer pressure or reluctance, has been complimented by people who know me. It’s inspired others to do the same for themselves so that they, too, can establish and enforce their boundaries, and protect their energy and inner peace.

I’m convinced that life isn’t about making the most money, being the most influential, or obtaining the “American Dream.” Life is about learning about yourself. You’re born, you grow, you mature, you live, and then you die. Learning about yourself is the only thing in life that truly matters when you die. Money, homes, jobs – they all end when you die. They don’t matter when you’re on your deathbed. You and the people you love are what matter in your last moments. Did you do everything you wanted to? Do you have any regrets? What would you have changed? A peaceful passing is one in which you are content with the life you lived. A happy life is one in which you aren’t upset about dying; you don’t wish for more time to do accomplish goals.

It’s a different way of life when you live for others and when you live for yourself. You live for yourself when you can enforce your boundaries, when you develop and nurture meaningful relationships, and put an end to toxicity in your life. You live for others when you compromise your true free will for what others want, giving it to peer pressure and reluctance, “favors,” or pushing yourself past your social battery capacity to appease others.

Another part of life is learning to balance your own boundaries with coexisting with others, because we are not alone in this world. As much as it’d be great to have your way all the time, you must sometimes compromise to meet another person halfway. Say for example, a person is asking you to spend an entire day, upwards of 15 hrs, with them for a special day. Knowing yourself, you go to spend time with them and share that special moment, but instead of pushing yourself past your social battery capacity, you opt to leave early of any optional events. You also deny the person any opportunity to guilt or coax you into staying longer because you know yourself best.

We need to learn to coexist and enforce our boundaries in healthy ways in which we can still nurture relationships. You can’t always have it your way because you are not the only person in the world, the world doesn’t revolve around you, and other people have lives, too. Respect other peoples’ decisions to leave early or not attend an event for legitimate reasons such as physical ability or mental health reasons – especially for mental health reasons. How do you not feel awful when you try to push someone past their mental health limits and disregard their boundaries?

“Aw, come on, it’s a special day,” “You can do the same thing tomorrow instead,” “It’s only a couple more hours,” “You’re going to make me look bad.” For all of these reasons, you are compromising someone else’s mental health and pushing them farther away from you, making them less willing to be there for you. One single conversation can push a person over the edge, lead them to a deeper depression, or drive them closer to suicide because you can’t understand that you are not the center of the world. Are you really so selfish that you don’t care how you affect others, especially people you consider your loved ones?

If a guest is unable to attend your wedding or party, do not hound them and try to convince them to come. They’ve already thought about their response and ability. Respect one another’s decisions and boundaries.