Is this all just part of the cycle or is this actually part of something better? Is it going to be another round of stubbornness, hurt feelings, defensiveness, and apologies all over again?

It’s been approximately six months since we’ve started seeing each other again and – though we’re still figuring things out between one another – it still feels very unstable, like it did in our relationship. We have had a few arguments over the course of the previous six months, but nothing as disastrous as it used to be. I guess that’s some progress. We’ve also tried to set firm boundaries between one another given our unique relationship with one another. We’re not friends and we’re not a couple. I dislike referring to him as a friend, because he’s not. He’s not just a friend and for the near future, he won’t ever be a friend to me. There’s nothing platonic between us, so calling him a friend just feels like a lie. I frequently refer to him as my ex, which raises a lot of eyebrows, but I’d rather be honest with myself than lie to others.

We agree that we still sincerely care and love one another unconditionally, but it feels like we’re pushing one another’s edges. I say edges because that’s what I picture in my head. A rough, uneven circle around both of us, trying to work together – like a Venn diagram. We’ve both been working a lot and have both been fairly tired, with our own physical ailments and other social obligations to boot.

Why can’t it just be easy? If two people care and love each other, what else is there? Why are there other factors getting in the way? It’s not difficult to commit to one another because we already are committed to only seeing the other and no one else. We have no interest in dating anyone else. It seems like there’s never enough time between ourselves, our family, our friends, work, and then each other. So things get bothered when trying to make time for one another.

Sometimes I honestly do think it would be easier if we just lived with each other, so there wouldn’t need to be time carved out to see each other. We would just need to carve out time for the other things because we’d be spending each day with each other and that’s better than trying to squeeze in quality time after everyone else. All I really want is someone I’m comfortable with to give me physical affection. At least that’s the truth for now. All the work I’m doing recently leaves me drained emotionally and mentally, and I recharge best at home with physical affection. It’s difficulty for me to pick myself up after a long day, or week, and try to socialize with anyone else. I enjoy the ease of not having to say much and still enjoying one another’s company. A low maintenance, mutually beneficial relationship.