Another year, another birthday, another year of learning who I am and what I believe in.

Something happened over the weekend that made me reflect on me, my surroundings, and people in general. I was celebrating my birthday at a night club. I don’t drink alcohol, but I love to dance, so that’s why I went. To dance and have fun. About two to three hours into the night, a young woman came up to my group and spoke with a female friend in my group. The female friend reiterated to me that the young woman said she needed a safe space. The man she was with was clearly pulling her through the crowd and attempting to pull her away from us, but luckily she pulled back and we kept her with our group. I eventually separated us girls to the bathroom and spoke to her more. She expressed that she didn’t feel safe and the man she was with kept attempting to make out with her and she felt as though he wanted to have sex with her. She had contacted one of her friends already at that point who came to the club to get her home safely. The man she was with had all of her belongings in his car, and he had her phone on him. Because of this, we couldn’t just leave. She needed her keys, at the very least, which were in his car. So, we escorted her out with the man she had initially come with, and settled outside because she was starting to feel more inebriated. We had a male friend accompany the man to his car to retrieve her belongings from his car.

When the male friend came back with her stuff, the man had left. I tried to get more information out of her such as how much she drank, was she drugged, etc. She stated she believed the man drugged her and that this was the most alcohol she has ever drank. Clearly, all bad signs. The friend she called took her to the ER and she messaged me the following morning stating that she was safe and felt much better after being rehydrated.

In all honesty, this misfortunate reminded me of what I stand for. I will never stop trying to help women and advocating for them. Especially in unsafe situations such as that night. I’m very grateful that she was able to find us and get home safely. Even if it was my birthday, I wasn’t focused on just having fun and brushing off anything negative that occurred. Helping that young woman was probably the best part of my night. One of my friends said, “So I guess we’re not going back in,” as if I could continue having fun as if being reminded of my own sexual assault could simply be brushed off.

There were quite a few insensitive comments about the situation throughout the night that made me realize that today’s society is the problem. And it reinforces why I made this blog. It angers me that people can even think attempting to drug and rape/sexually assault another person is okay. It angers me that this can just be brushed off by others as just club culture. This is not okay! Anyone who thinks otherwise, can joke about it, or can just brush it off is part of the problem.

Do better, people.

This is the second time I’ve ever been to this club, and both times, a woman has been drugged. I honestly wish any predatory man had something on their ID to indicate they’re a threat to society. That would make things so much easier.

There are so many crimes or attempted assaults that go unreported. And if there is a crime, the victim has to relive the story about five times before anything gets done about it — or nothing still gets done about it.

During a recent visit to a women’s health center, I was provided the opportunity to report the rape I went through — 8 years ago. This would have involved police being called and contacting me for a statement. For a crime that occurred eight years ago, with no traces of physical evidence in existence anymore. Why would I put myself through that? Why would I put myself through the details again when I’ve worked so hard to get past it? The statute of limitations has already expired for my state, so there is no point in reliving the details again. The only way we can protect ourselves and one another is to make others aware and help each other.

With this reflection of my intentions and character, I dub this year my year of zero tolerance. I will not let jokes or any small passing predatory and/or enabling behavior slide. If I want to make a point, I need to start with myself. I need to hold the people around me accountable for problematic behavior or disassociate myself from them. I have no tolerance for sexual assault being brushed off as something that just happens. It doesn’t just happen. Someone does it. Someone makes the decision to change someone else’s life indefinitely. Someone makes the decision to hurt another person.

Do better.