This past weekend has been unique – to say the least. The holidays were usually an uneventful time compared to everyone else’s extravagant cabin vacations and huge families. Thanksgiving was spent as normal, a meal with my immediate family. The next few days went as predicted – slow, boring, full of chores. Then my oldest sister had her Chinese tea ceremony the following Sunday. This included our family, close relatives, the groom’s family, and their friends. I always dread family functions because we never had any when we were younger. There were no huge parties or extended families flying in to visit. When we finally started becoming closer as a family and spending more quality time together, then came the family drama. Of course, every situation has its pros and cons. Being distant from family meant there wasn’t much to fuss over, but being close to family meant we care a lot more about one another and emotions run higher.

Without delving into the details, I’ll just say that this past weekend taught me that family dynamics can change – extremely surprisingly. The family members that I thought would give me a hard time were actually the most welcoming and enjoyable to be around. The dreaded, “Where’s your boyfriend?” question turned into, “Oh, you’ll find someone better soon.” “Are you going back to school?” was actually, “You’re done with school, right?” It’s as though they’ve learned how to be less critical of one another and more focused on the meaning of family.

Everything is a learning process. I learned that people can change. I also learned more about my own true values and where I stand, and I gave myself permission to not invest so much emotionally. I learned when it’s time for me to step back and give myself space, but also when it’s time to step up and stand up for myself and my loved ones.

Though I’m uncertain how the remainder of the holiday festivities will go, I am allowing myself more freedom to say “no” and letting myself say “no” without feeling guilty or being guilted into reluctantly saying “yes.”