I find myself wondering, “Why does this keep happening to me?” Why is it that I seem to attract men that are just plain awful?

I had been talking to a man for a few months, who seemed to show some genuine interest in me and getting to know me. We had mutual friends and we met online through a community that I help moderate. He had asked me out to dinner a few times before, which I continuously declined due to timing and lack of energy. This past weekend, he said that he wanted to see me and I told him I was too exhausted from the week to go out. He offered to bring me boba to my home, which I reluctantly obliged because I did think he wanted to get to know me and potentially date me through our previous conversations. We also had mutual friends and no one mentioned anything negative about him.

Long story short, I should have listened to my better judgment.

When he came over, he attempted to get me to be intimate with him multiple times, asking, “Where’s your hand?” and attempting to physically put my hand on his erect penis, attempting to coax me to have sex “just for a little bit,” “just for two minutes,” which I repeatedly declined and said, “No.” I had told him beforehand through our previous conversations, before we met, that I did not want to be intimate with him at this time. Unsurprisingly, what I wanted was not taken into account. The cherry on top was that he said, “Stop saying no, it’s such a turn off.”

And now I sit here, wondering, “Is it worth it trying to even date at this point?” One of my coworkers favorite phrases is, “Stay single,” and I’m beginning to think she has the right idea. Would I be this bothered if I never met this man? If I never thought we could potentially date? Probably not. I’d probably have a lot less grievances with men right now if I didn’t even try to put myself out there and try to find a man I get along with and could date.

At the same time, I think that these things keep happening to me because the universe knows I can handle it, because I’ve gone through much worse situations. I’ve steeled my heart and thickened my skin so that I could emotionally overcome these situations quite easily. Better it happen to me than it happening to another woman. Is this my purpose? Filter out the trash men so other women can be safer? Experience it firsthand so no one else has to? I guess someone has to. How else would anyone know a man is a danger to women or a menace to society? If this is how my life goes, so be it. As long as it helps another woman, I’m content. Though, for my own safety, I may not be testing my luck in the waters anytime soon.

C’est la vie.