I feel like I am going crazy or on the brink of a nervous breakdown, or maybe in the midst of one. I feel like I’m constantly running on a hamster wheel, trying to get through each day, only to continuously feel exhausted and fatigued. I’m convinced that it’s no longer my mental health. I’m convinced that something else is going on in my body causing such intense symptoms. I’m convinced that I am a highly sensitive person, but while that may be true, why is it all of a sudden so much more unmanageable this year? Going home, I couldn’t even listen to music during my commute back because I just could not handle processing the auditory stimulation. I also felt like I couldn’t breathe properly. I still feel like I can’t breathe properly. My breathing feels shallow. I know I am breathing, but it feels like I am not intaking any oxygen – and this is a frequent feeling. I typically ignore it, thinking it’s just all in my head. But what if it isn’t? What if there is some invisible illness festering inside my body that has only decided to coalesce this year? Is it more than just HPV? I haven’t developed any bad habits and nothing has changed between this year and last year regarding my routines. I have felt this way since my suicide attempt in August 2021, but it feels much less manageable this year. I don’t have suicidal thoughts. I don’t think I’m depressed, necessarily. I don’t feel impending doom or that something bad will happen. I’m just constantly fatigued and feeling overwhelmed all the time.

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