Sometimes you forget who the people around you are besides their relation to you. Sometimes you forget that your brother, your mother, your best friend, or your partner are people, too. And you forget their goals, values, and dreams. You just concentrate on what they are to you. You focus on who they are to you and what they provide to you.

And sometimes you forget what you want and who you are besides your role in another person’s life. You forget that you’re not just someone’s friend, daughter, or lover. Sometimes you put others before you and you forget about yourself. You forget what you want, what you like. You forget who you are without the people in your life.

You forget what it’s like to be selfish, to have dreams, to have goals, to want.

It’s hard to lose a friend.

It’s even harder to lose yourself.

“I don’t think you’re being selfish enough.”

Was it the years of antidepressants that made me lose my hopes and dreams or were they the cushion for losing my hopes and dreams? Which came first?

All I know is where I am now, but I don’t know where to go next.

I’ve been in tougher places and I’ve gotten through. But maybe I was just going through the motions. I feel like I’m just going through the motions now. I want to feel. I want to enjoy. I want to want. I want to be able to let go.